Thinking About Myself

Q. Virtually all the thoughts I have are about myself, even when thinking of other people--its about myself! Putting on my scientist hat, when an effect size is that large it means something--

This is a very important observation, but it's slightly, and critically flawed!
Try the sentence again as follows;
Virtually all the thoughts are about my imaginary self.
You see, thought is always an image, an approximation. That's not problematic when the subject is static. But when you yourself are the subject, you're literally creating an idea about yourself everytime you think about yourself.
Then not realising that it's just an image you start to act upon it as if it were real!

And in this case it means clearly that the ego-system which enabled survival of primitive man has become incredibly dys-functional. Because this ego-system is so dysfunctional its also very hard to manage. 

The ego system is not a function of survival, this is a huge misleading mistaken belief.
The ego system is purely a dysfunctional psychological phenomena, and as such has no physical benefits whatsoever!

Every thought that I saw through, was immediately followed by a related thought which also had to be seen through and on and on it went--frankly no fun.

This is like mopping up continously from a leaking pipe..... fix the source of the leak and the mopping ceases!

And the solution is very subtle, which is why you'll hardly even find it mentioned!
Thinking about myself creates an image which we take as real.
In the physical world this works fine, and we have mistakenly carried this over to the psychological.
We only think about ourselves because we have memory of dysfunctional psychological states and so feel the need to control/secure our future.
Those experiences of psychological disorder were actually a result of being told as a child to be other than we were, or that we were 'bad'. Or that reality (the way things actually are this moment) could be different. It created the notion of a split in us and we have been reaping the results of that mistake ever since.
The fact is that we are what we are, and any idea about what we should be is a split, a division, a duality.
Any attempt to act upon myself psychologically creates a split between what I am and what I should be. This split is the source of ALL psychological dysfunction.

Remember Tolle's awakening episode.
"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. `Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the `I' and the `self' that `I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real." 
I was so stunned by this strange realization that my mind stopped. 

This is the essence of what I'm trying to convey.
Thinking about myself creates the split.
This is the true significance of non-duality.

So what's required to end the split is to see the nature of thoughts and images. To see that an image is not the thing itself. Apply that to images of myself created by thinking about myself. To see that none of this content is 'me'.
An image of your hand has a counterpart in reality.
How about the image of your 'self'?

"permanent" is an idea

Q: Ok dude, lay it out on me.

I realised the lie. This liberated state only last two weeks. And those two weeks were fucking amazing.

But I kept going back and forth. Constantly. Four months on...the same things that made me realise it have no effect on me now.

I realise the delusion of self but it has not sticked.

Is McKenna's autolysis the only way to fully perminate the state?

I don't understand how reading Tolle will deepen the state either.

Thanks

A: Clarity is a moment by moment affair.

"Permanent" is an idea.

All images/ideas are just that.

See them as they arise and there will be no confusion.

The memory of the two amazing weeks may lead to searching again.

The search is based on ideas only.

This moment is all there is.

All projected problems and successes are just ideas.

Searching is the result of not seeing this.

This needs to be seen now.

This cannot be stored.

McKenna and Tolle are phonies - don't trust what they sell.

Sometimes what they say is true, but that's just because they are repeating what they have 'learned' from others.

I will substantiate these statements in the coming days.

A quick example - UG Krishnamurti and McKenna have totally incompatible 'teachings'.

Yet McKenna states him as an example.

negative emotions

Below is a list of negative emotions.

All negative emotions are caused by believing untrue ideas.

See if you can discover the untrue ideas behind each.
If you do this, insight should arise and you'll discover a new energy emerging.

# Negative and forceful

* Anger
* Annoyance
* Contempt
* Disgust
* Hate
* Irritation

# Negative and not in control

* Anxiety
* Embarrassment
* Fear
* Helplessness
* Powerlessness
* Worry

# Negative

* Doubt
* Envy
* Frustration
* Guilt
* Shame

# Negative and passive

* Boredom
* Despair
* Disappointment
* Hurt
* Sadness

# Agitation

* Stress
* Shock
* Tension



Q: Are you saying that a "realized being" doesnt get angry, or cries ?
Is that really true ?

I don't subscribe to the idea of realised beings.
That would be a story about the future.
Stories are not truth, and the future does not exist.
There's either clarity or not, moment by moment.

And yes, when there's clarity there's no anger, or any of the other so-called 'negative' emotions.

the idea of me

Reach down and grab your ankles and try and lift yourself off the ground.

Doesn't work does it?
Do you know why?

It's because you have no leverage.
Leverage means one force acting upon another force.
You need 2 separate entities for one to be able to lift the other.

Stand still and walk at the same time.

Not possible is it?

Lay down and stand up at the same time.
Eat a steak and be vegetarian.
Shout and make no noise.
Make love and be celibate.

It's obvious isn't it?
These conditions cannot exist at the same time.

So isn't it interesting that when we're angry we try not to be?
When we're sad we try to be happy.
When we're lonely we try to fill that void.

Remember the lifting yourself off the ground idea?
Trying to act upon an emotional state is impossible for exactly the same reason.
There aren't in fact 2 separate things here.
There's no me separate from the anger.
There's no me separate from the sadness.

There's only what is, whether that be anger or sadness.

The idea of me who acts on my anger is just an illusion.
The idea of me who will find an everlasting satisfactory state, is just an illusion.
The idea of me is just that, an idea.

thought/feeling and the ending of time

Thought is as central to human life as breathing is.
Ask a question, and if it’s important enough, thought will tirelessly seek an answer.
Thought found a way to put a man on the moon.
Thought can find the means to feed and clothe us all.

BUT if you ask thought a wrong question then thought can get stuck in an endless loop.

Thought brought many of us to the seeking of enlightenment.
We experienced suffering and we sought a solution – “how can I avoid suffering in the future?”
This is a wrong question and the beginning of an endless loop.

The body doesn’t differentiate between a thought and reality.
If we imagine a stressful experience in the future, the body chemistry responds as if the experience is actually happening.
If athletes imagine themselves running a race, the body responds and sends the same chemicals around the body just as it would if the race was actually being run.

So thought creates an image of me in the future and believes in it’s creation due to the feelings experienced while projecting the future.
Thought then tries to seek security for that future me.
Now thought is caught in a loop.
The future me doesn’t exist, so thought is trying to solve a non-existant problem.

This sometimes leads people to believe that thought is the problem, then thought gets stuck in a loop trying to end thought.

And all that’s truly needed, is to realise the nature of thought/feeling, and see that the future doesn’t exist.
There is no me suffering in the future that needs saving!

This is the ending of time.

And if you investigate even deeper, you'll see that there's no me in the present either!

revelation

For those who are willing to explore, the following exercise can have tremendous impact:

Observe nature without naming it; observe a tree or flower or rocks or lichen or whatever is available.
Explore observing without naming.
The shape, the texture, the smell, the play of light, the movement in the breeze or the stillness……. Just observe.

When there is a very clear sense of observation without naming, observe your body.

Observe the breath, the movement of the body as it breathes, the sensations in the nose and throat, there may be audible sound, observe the contact with the ground or seat or bed or whatever else the body’s weight rests on.
Observe the sensations in the body; aches or itching or tingling or trembling or whatever else is there……… Just observe.

When there is a very clear sense of this observation without naming, observe thought.
Observe thought without naming or judging or comparing….. Just observe.

When you are simply observing thought without naming or judging or trying to shape in any way, and if the investigation hasn’t happened spontaneously, investigate thought.
What is thought? What is its nature?

Don’t use a single second-hand answer, whether from the most revered teacher, your own past or anyone else’s statements.
Ask the question and then just observe what happens next.

If you truly ask and don’t answer from memory you will discover the true nature of thought – it will be revealed.
This cannot be over-emphasized…… if you don’t accept a single second-hand answer then there will be revelation.

Now any question can be asked and the truth discovered.
What is suffering? What am I? Who am I? What is time? What is love?

clarifying ego

Ego is a collection of images you have which you don’t realise are just images.
Many of the images can be contradictory.
Much of the self-help industry is about helping people enhance the positive images and reduce or negate the negative.
When there is an insight into the nature of thought/image making, then the illusion of ego ends.
Many people get caught up in the idea of the ego dying, or killing the ego, or talk about the ego as if it is an entity – it’s not, it’s just an illusion.

Here's an analogy:
A woman returns home from work at night and goes to the kitchen to prepare supper.
She looks through the window into her dark back garden and see a man lurking in the shadows by the garden shed……. her heartbeat increases and she starts to sweat….. “oh my god” she says to herself, “I’m here all alone and I don’t know when my husband will be back”. She looks around the kitchen and wonders whether she prefers to hold a knife or whether she should hide them so they can’t be used against her. She wonders how fast the police will arrive if she can only remember where she left her mobile…. “Will the glass back door keep him out?”….. She jumps with a fright as she hears a sound behind her…. only to collapse sobbing into the arms of her bemused husband who has just arrived home. He cautiously unlocks the kitchen door and reaches for the outside light. Light suddenly floods the garden and the man lurking by the shed turns out to be a pile of old boxes and bags of rubbish.

The message is probably clear….. but just to clarify.
The lurking man never existed, but before the woman realised this she was acting and believing as if he did. “Will he hurt me? Can I defend myself? What does he want? Will he run if he hears the police coming?” etc. etc.
But when her husband returned home, he didn’t have to fight off, or scare or chase the lurking man because he never existed outside of the illusion that he existed.
It was simply an error of perception and all that was necessary to correct it was to bring light to it.
In the same way, the illusion of ego ends when it is investigated…… but it must be seen clearly by oneself….. the words of others in no way can illuminate….. this must be done by each one of us.
Most importantly, until the truth of this is realised, to say that the ego is an illusion, becomes just another concept to debate and be confused about.